SLA 468S 2002. Student translations.

Link to original.

Andre Rybak. translator

Semen Zhurakhovych

Nova mama

Now he came to her. After eight years. His face, which still possessed so many boyish qualities, frowned and then cleared, nor did he hide his confusion. Maria was even more confused. She was bustling around in the apartment, ran to the kitchen and came back empty handed, and then couldn't recall what she had forgotten. Afterwards covered the table with the tablecloth.

- Will you drink tea? You're so unexpectedly… We haven't seen each other for a long while.

- Haven't seen each other for a long time, - repeated Sava and carefully looked at her.

Maria treated him with tea and cookies. Asked him about his work. Just about the work. Sava gave short answers. He looked at her with his lost eyes and with nervous moves smoothed out his brown forelock.

- It's like you don't recognize me, - Maria sadly joked.

- I recognize, - smiled Sava. - You're same as you were: good…. and a bit unknown. Do you know why I came?

Maria shrugged her shoulders. All of a sudden her heart tightened, it rang bells in her ears, deafening her. She grabbed the kettle, wanted to run out to the kitchen, then again placed it on the same spot.

- If you'd tell me, then I'll know…

He raised his eyes, those scared boyish eyes, and said:

- I know Maria there isn't that feeling between us that people have once in theirs twenties. Wonderfully, we hit 30. You're alone and I am now alone… I have deep respect for you. You know… From the first time I saw you. I always thought of you as a close person. You're a real friend. Maria, some day you will come to love me a bit. Even now… It seems to me that even now we would be better together. - Sava lowered his eyes and quietly added: - And Petryk needs a mom.

Maria's petrified face took the color of yellow clay. Her teeth were tightly pressed together, in order not to stutter . She looked at him with her gray, slightly bluish in the corners, eyes, as if just met him.

Sava, with a difficulty, raised himself.

- Forgive me Maria. I understand that all this is very sudden for you. Maybe you'll think about it? - And already with an unnaturally zestful tone quickly and loudly added: - Call, come. Can't we be friends? Right, Maria?

Maria also raised, tying him up with that same concentrated look, came up and placed a hand on his shoulder.

- I agree, Sava, - she answered, barely audible. - It really is better for us to be together. Smile now. - And she herself smiled, but with great sorrow. You didn't understand me Sava, like always…

Maria's trembling fingers touched his temples, disentangled his forelock and kissed the corner of his lips with such bitter tenderness that Sava was caught short of breath.

And at night, lying in her bed, he very quietly, with difficulty of searching for right words, said:

- You know Maria, this is an ancient story, but now I will confess to you. Then…Well, then, when we were dating, going out to movies, I liked you more than Tonya. But you looked at me so harshly. And overall, you always were so unknown. With Tonya everything was simple. Then you became totally severe, and always busy, busy… But I always thought of you like of a close friend. I didn't have a sister and in my mind I thought of you as a sister. - He was kissing her eyes, lips. - I believe that you will love us, me and Petryk. He's such a wonderful boy. You'll see, Maria…

He fell asleep beside her and amusingly, like a small child, snored in his sleep.

And Maria, under the impression as to what happened this day, this evening, couldn't fall asleep. She didn't cry. But once in a while, big teardrops would fall onto her temples and get lost in her hair. She didn't wipe them off.

Eight years had passed since that day when Sava married Tonya. Maria remembered that wedding, maybe even better than Sava. Why? Well, why? Nobody knew about that and wasn't supposed to know. First of all, Sava wasn't supposed to know. To him she always was unknown. But did she know herself? Yeah right! Eight ears of bitter heavily locked hidden love. Every accidental meeting with him became a holiday. She forced herself to frown. In her head she was telling him sweet words, but with him her voice sounded ironic: "How is life, gorgeous?"

From the window, dull night light of the big city shone through. Maria turned her head. Sava was sleeping. His face was gentle and peaceful. Slightly opened mouth was hiding a dreamy smile in corners of the red kissed lips. He even right now didn't suspect anything. He will never know, that in this happy night, tears were choking her.

Now everything in her life turned upside down. Impatiently looking at the watch, waiting for five o'clock, she was the first to run out of the polyclinic. It was even a bit embarrassing. At home everything in her hands was on fire - cleaning up, romping in the kitchen. Afterwards Sava would run in and throw himself to help her. He would be of little help. The tablecloth was skewedly laid, bread was cut into huge loafs, and he couldn't carry a bowl of soup without spilling a greasy spot on the floor. Maria yelled at him, tugged on his years. Sava laughed and kissed her. Then Maria would jolt again because the dinner was getting cold. Afterwards they would go out to movies or walk through nightly alleys of the park.

Everything was good. Never in her life had she happy days like these.

But somewhere there, deeply-deeply, a seed of warning was growing. She knew the name of this warning, which she tried to hide even more than her love earlier. Petryk. Sava's and Tonya's son. Someone else's child. How will he react to her?

As the day when Sava would go to his mother to pick up Petryk get closer, the warning would sound louder. Sometimes Sava would notice that Maria suddenly stops in the middle of a word:

- What's with you? -He asked with an honest concern.

His sincerity would move her. Maria looked into his eyes for a long time, then smiled and said:

- Nothing… A bit of a headache.

She really was a little unknown, this gray-eyed, quiet and private thirty-year-old Maria.

Sava went to Poltava after two weeks and spent there 3 days. Maria lived these days in Sava's apartment and maybe of this, fear and uncertainty gripped her more. At home even the native walls would help. At home everything was familiar, same, good. But here windows look at her with an amazement and alien chairs are trying to trip her.

With unbreakable knots thoughts were forming and one of them, the most painful: did she weigh all 'pros' and 'cons'? Only not to haste - pleaded Maria to herself. - Need to contemplate of everything and weigh considerably, calmly.

So the problem stands like this: she must replace a mother to a child. No, not to replace, - to become a mother. And who will tell her how to do this and can such a thing be taught? She fears, if anybody knew how fearful she is of that minute when the boy would walk into his apartment.

Maria would come to the table and looked over the photos. Sava, perhaps, not accidentally placed these pictures, with Petryk in it, without Tonya. Here he is lying on a carpet pink, naked. Here he is with his eyes wide open and spreading his plump legs. Here he is with cheeks inflated supports a wooden horse. Mothers look at such pictures, exclaiming "My little boy… Cutie!" Maria shuts her eyes and with cold lips pronounced "My little boy…" . Her voice sounded deaf and was broken up.

How happy she was during these two weeks! Seemed that if a bit longer and she would forget those eight years.

Soon Petryk will be here.